A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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