I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
