I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
