Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
