Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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