Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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