i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
