Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
