i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have started to decorate penises.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
