dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
