clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
