what day is it and did you see me today?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
