God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
