we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
