tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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