There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
