Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
