? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
