i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
