if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
