if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
