Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
