there's paper in my vomit.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
