Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
