return my video game
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
