if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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