and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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