I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
