New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
