chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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