Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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