You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
