i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
