"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
