Nicole vs. Life
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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