Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
