you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the day after is always just damage control
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
