U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
