i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
