Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
