He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
