Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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