she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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