well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
