Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
