Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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