i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
