he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
