my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
