he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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