you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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